Red Flag! Red Flag! RED FLAG!

I've been saving this story for a while. I took me some time to process what even happened to me, or why I stayed on this date as long as I did. I think it was for all of you. Things got creepier and creepier, and all I could think was, "This will make an excellent blog."

I think I have a problem.


Anyways, I went out for dessert with a guy named Nick. Apparently he is well traveled, a business owner, and has a Masters degree...but when I think about it, this could all be made up. When we met he complimented me continuously. This was nice at first, but then it got weird. This lead to that first feeling that something might be wrong.

Red Flag Number One:

He said, "You're so beautiful. Why are you single?" I gave a brief explanation, then asked him the same question. His response:

"Her pussy was too loose. Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway. I'm just not attracted to that."

Just writing that made feel uncomfortable. Hearing him say it, made me want to throw up. He informed me that he could have been having sex while we were on our date, but he chose me instead. He could tell I was something special. How sweet. Next I asked him how long he'd been single.

Red Flag Number Two:

Only 3 days. That's enough time to heal and reflect upon a relationship right? I mean, he already figured out why the relationship wasn't working. "You just can't fix a loose pussy, you know?"

Red Flag Number Three:

He had a weird tattoo. Like, really weird. Like, a mermaid and a merman having graphic sex on his calf surrounded by dolphins kind of weird. I asked him why he got it, and he said he just thought it was so hot.

Red Flag Number Four:

He said he really liked my boots and then asked if I was wearing socks underneath them. I wanted to know why he was curious about my socks, so he pulled out his phone. On it he had pictures of young girls (maybe teenage) wearing little girl socks that fold over with ruffles, and nothing else. He was showing me them so casually, explaining that this is what he's into, as if it's totally normal to show a woman he's on a first date with that he has borderline child pornography on his phone. Here's a PG version of what he showed me to give you an idea:

I told him that I thought it was weird he was showing me those pictures. he said it's only natural, and that made me laugh. The next thing that happened was incomprehensible to me.

Red Flag Number Five:

He took my laugh to mean that I was into him, and he tried to kiss me. I can't believe he got a I-want-to-kiss-you vibe from me. I learned from the Worst Kiss Ever Guy to always be on my guard though. I pushed him away in time to save myself.

Red Flag Number Six:

Pushing him away made him try harder. He thought I was playing hard to get when I said, "I don't want to kiss you. That phone stuff weirded me out." According to him, women never reject his manly charms. No one has EVER turned down a kiss from Nick. EVER. He walked me to my car, and tried to kiss me again, but settled for the stiff and awkward side hug I gave him.

For a few days after this gross date he still kept in contact trying to get me to agree to another date. It was tempting, but I had to decline.