Worst. Kiss. EVER.

I went on another yucky date a couple days ago. I talked with this guy on the phone for almost 3 hours before we went out. We really clicked. Instead of sending me a penis picture, he sent me a picture of his favorite architecture in Barcelona, Spain by Gaudi because he knew that I'd like to see it. He didn't say a single sexual thing to me while we talked before we met. We made plans to go to a nice Italian restaurant. Sounds great, right?

Most of the date was pretty wonderful, actually, but things got sketchy towards the end. It was like a whole different person came out. As we walked out of the restaurant I was in front of him. He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me against his body without warning. Then he laughed awkwardly and let go.

I said, "That was unexpected, and you gave me a weird thought." I told him this because he knew I say it to my students when they do something that isn't typically socailly acceptable. I said it in a joking way, but I hoped he would get the message. But, of course, he didn't get the message. He said, "I couldn't help myself. That dress makes it look like you've got great tits and legs. I wanted to tell you this in the restuarant, but I didn't want other people to hear."

Hold the phone, if it's not appropriate for other people to hear, it's not appropriate to say. Second, who even really says "tits" seriously? Third, the neckline on my dress actually went up to my neck so there was no cleavage or anything. I don't get it. I let him know I wanted to call it a night, but he insisted on walking me to my car. I couldn't shake the guy.

When got to my car I opened my door and put the left overs in the front seat.

Then, SNEAK ATTACK!

When I turned around he was in my face. Like, so close I could see his pores and smell the lasagna he had for dinner. He grabbed my face and gave me the worst kiss of my life. I have never had a kiss forced on me before. I felt like I was kissing a puckered up butthole or something. His lips were so hard and smushed together. Like the kind of kiss you get from your grandma that's wet and dry at the same time. Because I was so unprepared he ended up kissing my teeth and the side of my mouth. It seemed like it had to be a joke.

I pushed him away, told him that kiss was terrible, and left.

Lesson learned: always keep the guy in front of me.