For the past month or so I dated a guy who was alright. If he were ice cream he'd be vanilla: common, sweet, a safe bet, but not too exciting or anything special. Still, there is something comforting about vanilla, especially after all the other crazy flavors I've tried. We weren't boyfriend/girlfriend or anything like that, but I started to really like him despite the vanillaness. Today he dumped me via text message.
Screw you, Vanilla.
He said the reason was because we don't have much in common. For example, I'm awesome and he sucks. He also said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and maybe after awhile he'd regain interest (AKA, he wants to date someone else, but keep me as a back up.) I'm not interested in being on the back burner, so no more vanilla for me.
To get the bad taste out of my mouth I went on a date tonight with a "film editor." Turns out, this guy is in the porn industry, and thinks I'd make an amazing actress. Now, I did play the Chief Priest when I was 9 in my church's musical entitled Fat, Fat Jehoshaphat, but porn is a whole different ballgame. I was scandalized and wildly uncomfortable.
So, according to him it turns out with my face, I'd be great for something called Bukkake and I could make hundreds in one day! Please don't google it if you don't know what it is. Save your innocence. Or, if I'm not into that I could do straight bjs, also good money.
Usually I'm good at saying something funny, putting gross guys in their place, or getting the heck out. This guy really caught me off guard. Vanilla threw me off my game. I was hoping for a distraction, and a sure got it. Jeez.
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