Unengaged

A year ago today Mitchell proposed to me, and I could not have been happier. I had my future planned out, and I was going to marry the person I loved most in the world. Mitchell was perfect for me, although he wasn't the type of guy I pictured myself with. He was everything I never knew I always needed in a partner. Thinking back to that happy time last year has brought up a well of emotions in me.

I really miss him today.

We had to break up because of some choices he made in his past that could drastically effect our future together. There was no possible way for us to be together anymore. When we broke up we were both still in love. the pain of it made my whole body hurt; it immobilized me. It felt like I cut a part of myself out of my body.

I'm feeling that pain again today.

I've been thinking about how happy I was this time last year, and it floors me to think about how much my life has changed. Nothing feels settled, and I miss the comfort and ease of having a partner. Dating, though it's been ridiculously silly (more stories to come btw!), has been disheartening. I'm so afraid that I will not be able to find someone who will love me so completely again. It's really scary.

I'm thankful for my family and friends who love me. I know they are always going to be there for me. Still, there is a part of me that feels empty. It's hard to remain faithful today.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.